Tuesday, March 9, 2010

How it feels (In my opinion)...

I want to start by saying I love my son more than (and in a different way than) I have EVER loved anyone else in my life. He is my everything and I would literally give my life without a second thought for his. But being the mom of a "special needs" son is more difficult than I ever thought possible....

I'm not sure if anyone will ever read this blog.. or even care, but I'm not writing it for you I'm writing it for me. And for my son. So that the next time I tell someone my son is the way he is.. they wont tell me "I'm so sorry." or "Wow how do you deal with it?". Your sorry doesn't help, it wont change a thing and only makes me feel like you pity me. And if you want to know how I deal with it..then read this blog I will tell you with 100% honesty exactly how I feel and felt and what my life is like now. I'm tired of putting on the happy face and telling everyone "its okay" all the time. Its not okay. Its the most agonizing and difficult thing I have ever done it my entire life, no pain compares to it and no loss measures up to it. And I want to write for everyone to read my sons story so far.. so when you look at him you see him for the amazing person he is and not his disabilities.

So here it is.. I hope the people in my life read it at least...


  1. Whitney,
    I cant say I know how you feel because only you know that, but as Eli's grandma I know how I feel and I too feel as you do. My wishes and dreams are shattered as well and I am scaired to death for Eli as well. I know how hard it is to raise healthy kids and I know how hard it was with Danny let alone with a speial needs child like Eli. I can only offer to help you in any way I can. I can offer advice and tell you how I did it but you will have to just take it one day at a time and let people help all they are willing to.
    I know it is overwhelming and hard to think most of the time but try and not dwell on just the bad, I know that sounds easier said than done, I to can only see the bad sometimes, but try and see the little improvements Eli is making and hope and yes pray for the best.
    Eli is a beautiful, happy, loving little angel and I couldn't ask for a better little guy for my grandson. Yes I wish there was nothing wrong with him and I have prayed to that same alusive God you have for a miracle just like you...to no avail.
    Life sucks, its not fair, and you don't deserve it but we are in this together, and I will always be hear for you and Eli as long as you want and need me to.
    I love you both very much!!!

  2. Whitney,this is Donna,I know that right now you are going through the toughest time in your life ,and what you'r Mom told you is true,this is going to be a very hard and all you can do is take it one day at a time .I think It's a posetive step for you to go to the park and to do things that will be fun for you and Eli.I also think writing it all down is good for you because it goves you a way to vent .If there is anything I can do to help you ,I will,even if you need to talk to someone in the middle of the night just call me .You said you would do anything you can for Eli, Please let me get him a blessing,I personally have seen them work wonders ,(It surely can't hurt) and God did say that if you have faith as smallas a grain of mustard seed you can move Mountains, you are all in my prayers always, but please give him the extera help this can provide.I really feel that this is important, and the Elders are no more strangers than hospital staff ,they are there to help, this isn't about religion its about helping your baby,and don't ever forget we all Love you and Eli. Love Donna

  3. Hi Hon, this is Aunt Lori,I first of all want to tell you that I agree with you THIS IS NOT FAIR and Eli IS absolutley adorable. Secondly he is a very lucky little boy to be born into a family that loves and wants him. You asked why me, I believe that a more selfish, insensitive person with problems of ther own could have been given a special needs baby, but
    then he would not have a Mommy that would trade
    places with him. They may not have realized he needed help and may not have taken him to the Dr. when they noticed something was wrong. He may not have had the Gramdma that he does or the aunts & uncles that love him so much. Eli has been very lucky indeed, He has all kinds of love being sent his way, he may not see your
    face but he can hear the love in your voice and feel it in your touch. I'm sure if he could speak he would tell you that he has the best Mommy ever...not to mention a pretty terrific Grandma. Hang in there Sweety every day is a struggle when you're a Mom. Any Mother will also tell you it's a blessing. Just think any future grandchildren will have a tough act to follow, be proud that Eli has set the bar so high. xoxo Aunt Lori